I used to think that I might learn myself into some authority. With that, I might point, insisting look, look! In looping response to a constant call. This and this, on and on, beyond divisions or classifications, or orders of being, or causes as something other than effects.
My natural response was to melt away from authority, preferring to drip into hollows and wells, to be among those strange strangers where the dominant discourse, such as it was, was guided by a compass of laughter, silence, body, and song.
What home was that, pulling our constant whirls back for mealtimes of melodic banter, brimming with every former and future self? It avoided our gaze while seeing us, into and through.
My inner ear heard the title as “nonsense” 😅 That goes a long way towards explaining my thought processes I suppose.
I enjoyed this piece, Stacey. Thanks.
I have lately found my own initial misreadings/ misspellings to be delightfully revelatory. I love the “nonsense” connection. Had I thought of it, I would have done it intentionally : ) Thanks, Michael : )
“I used to think that I might learn myself into some authority.” Does disappointment underlie this sentence? It does when I apply it to myself.
Thanks, Jeff. I remember an accumulation of disappointments that all got in the way of a grand idea I had that I might develop into someone who “knew” something for sure. And while those disappointments were vividly real, I can appreciate the way that I learned (in parallel experience) to be suspicious of projections of certainty, when the unknowns are so much more rich and interesting. With a sort of wry sigh, I am able to recognize that, like it or not, the space of uncertainties and paradox are what I am supposed to learn to work with, even if “Authority” appears to remain the coin of the realm.