Apparently, the public library in Carmel, Indiana is undergoing major renovations until 2022. In the meantime, the collections have been relocated to an abandoned grocery store.
Remember where you used to find the Pork ‘N Beans? We got Louis L’Amour there now. You can find most of your westerns there. Zane Gray, Larry McMurtry––
How about Cormac McCarthy?
He’s a crossover. Gonna be on the endcap right there, with the tortillas.
I’m looking for Jane Eyre.
End of the cookie aisle, with the Sausalitos and the Chessman.
Right. How about The Thorn Birds?
A little further down, same aisle. By the wafers.
My aunt only wants books like The Notebook. Where are those?
You know the Oreo section?
How could I miss it? There’s, like, twenty new kinds I never heard of!
How about Dr. Zhivago?
Mmmmm. That’s a tough one. Lemme check. Oh, it’s over at the end of thirteen, you know where all those individual protein bars are?
Ohhhhhhhh, of Course! I can’t believe I didn’t think to look there.
Don Quixote? War and Peace?
Classics are in the frozen foods. Not by the pizza, though.
Vegetables?
Right.
Contemporary poets?
Produce.
Graphic novels?
Candy.
Sci-fi?
Cereal.
Huh, why there?
Do you even remember the cereal aisle? What else would it be?
Travel.
Hah! Where do you think?
Not ethnic foods. Tell me it’s not still called that.
Bingo!
World religions?
Bread.
Dramatic works?
Dairy.
Experimental?
Baking supplies.
Children’s?
Check stands.
Reference books?
Those are available for pickup. You can order online.
How about young adult?
Snacks.
Diet and exercise?
Energy drinks.
That’s a whole aisle?
It is for the people who keep buying those books.
Biographies?
Deli.
Can I still get a sandwich over there? I’m hungry.
No, but Jack’s still behind the counter. He’ll write you a letter to order. Custom with stamps, address, everything.
Can he do emails? I have a list I’ve been meaning to return, but more keep coming.
Try the café.
The article that inspired this post is here.